WrestleMania Hinata
by Cougar Draven
Summary: Yes, you read that right. I decided to crossover wrestling with Love Hina, and a created character... These are the results! R&R please!
1. Cougar's Decision: Champion

****WrestleMania Hinata****  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own Love Hina, Titan Sports, or the WWE, but no one said I can't write about them...  
  
A/N: Cougar is me. Ok, that's out of the way. I'm looking for more of a story-like feel to this, and with my sideline of writing a f-fed that I will eventually post in Wrestling, I think I'm getting better at this. And, for those of you who will be wondering, yes, I actually have mastered the Jackknife Powerbomb. Oh, and I hate Goldberg.  
  
*Chapter One: Cougar's Decision*  
  
Cougar sighed. Even in the middle of his match, he found it funny that somehow, even though he was contending against the WWE Champion, Undertaker, he would have to win the damn match. The fact that he was currently laying in the middle of the mat after suffering a Last Ride apparently had no bearing on that. He sighed again as Undertaker covered him for the pin...  
  
1...  
  
2...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
------  
  
Cougar sat in the lobby at his home arena, in Detroit. Across the table from him was his longtime friend at Tag Team Partner (Three-time WWE Tag Champs) Tha Killa.  
  
"You know he's just gonna attack Vince and Shane the whole time." remarked the illustrious Cruiserweight, Tha Killa.  
  
"Yeah, but what the hell can we do about it?" replied Cougar.  
  
"I don't know, really. Oh, and even though it doesn't mean much, that belt looks good on you, really it does."  
  
"Thanks, Killa, but it would help if I could remember how I won the match. And besides, you said the same damn thing about these stupid Tag belts, too, and now they're out too!"  
  
"Hey, Cougar, there he is!"  
  
Cougar walked up to the man Tha Killa was referring to and said:  
  
"I hope you have a good run as new owner of the WWE. I hope your new champions will be as loyal to you as we were to Vince."  
  
And with those words, Cougar Jackknifed Eric Bischoff through a table, then walked back to Tha Killa.  
  
"Killa, I'm out of here. If our paths ever cross again, and you want to tag one more time, here. Hold on to my Tag Team Championship belt for me. I'll take this one, wherever I'm going."  
  
"Where do you think you'll end up?"  
  
"Probably Japan. I learned the language for a reason, and so did you, damnit."  
  
"Ok. D'you think you'll wrestle there?"  
  
"I really don't know. See ya, man."  
  
"Later."  
  
------  
  
Cougar stepped off the plane in Kanagawa, Japan, intent on starting a life and making himself a home away from everything he had left behind. He had brought enough finances to start a business, and in two weeks, his little magazine store was drawing big business. Maybe it was the fact that this American, born and raised in Michigan, spoke Japanese better than any other gai-jin they had ever seen. Maybe it was the fact that, in only two weeks, he had earned the respect of everybody who came into his store. Or maybe it was the fact that he had an official WWE Championship belt displayed in the case. He didn't go into the details, but it was clear that this young man wasn't just a store-owner. Some asked him about the belt, and he would always answer that he didn't like to dwell in the past, but he would also say that the belt had represented the best parts of his life, so far anyway. Cougar was a happy man, all in all. At least, for a little while.  
  
------  
  
The date: May, the 2nd. Cougar had been in Japan for over a month. Wrestlemania had long past in Cougar's mind, and no-one asked about the title anymore, so Cougar assumed everyone knew that he didn't want to talk about it. So, he just continued business as normal, until one day, he heard this commotion from outside the store:  
  
"I don't care if it was an accident! HENTAI!"  
  
"But Naru, I didn't mean--" WHACK  
  
"Naru, do you always have to do that?"  
  
"Kitsune, it needed to be done. Hey, this is a nice new magazine shop here. I never saw this one before. Let's go in!"  
  
"Ok, but we should wait for Keitaro." CRASH  
  
"Ok, he's here, let's go in now."  
  
The first thing Cougar saw was a very pretty girl, slightly shorter than he, with light reddish-brown hair, and a very mean look on her face. At first glance, he had made a decision, as some wrestlers will do, that she was the kind of girl who could be the perfect woman, if only she were a little nicer. She had a great figure, and Cougar was partial to brunettes anyway. But she needed to smile more. He was guessing that she was the violent one. Next, a shorter woman, with blonde hair and an amazing figure, stepped into the store. Cougar made a mental note that this woman, although blonde, was definetly a girl he could concievably become friends with. Finally, bandaged, bleeding, but otherwise ok, a young man with brown hair and glasses drug himself into the store. Cougar looked upon him in wonder, for he saw something most people did not: a student. He could teach this boy to defend himself. It was then he realized that he, for some reason unknown to even him, was paying attention to this particular group more than any other he had seen in his store. The one he deduced as Keitaro suddenly took in the surroundings, and started looking at things all over the store, while the two women browsed. Finally, he made his way to the front, without anything to purchase, but instead because he saw the gleam of light off the championship belt.  
  
"Oh, wow! This is the official WWE Championship belt that was used in the main event of WrestleMania this year? Pardon my asking, sir, but where did you get this belt?"  
  
"No problem, my boy, the answer is quite simple. I wrestled the match."  
  
Keitaro stared for a bit, the apparently something clicked.  
  
"Oh, cool, You're Cougar Draven, the man who stood up to Eric Bischoff?"  
  
"You know who I am?"  
  
"Yeah! I watched WrestleMania, and I saw it on the news when they showed what you did to Bischoff."  
  
"That's nice, kid. So you're a wrestling fan, huh?"  
  
"Yeah, I watch it every time I can, and I go to most of the overseas shows. Well, I did, anyway..."  
  
"That's cool, son. So, who was your favorite wrestler?"  
  
"Well, I always liked the Undertaker, but I started to like you a lot, especially with your run on the top of both divisions. Did you get to keep the Tag Team belts, too?"  
  
"Yeah, my partner has them back home."  
  
"Cool! I'll be right back."  
  
Cougar watched as the young enigma went to join his friends, and he wondered if he had missed out on anything when he jumped. It wasn't long before the boy had brought his companions back to the counter with him. In his hand was the March issue of WWE Magazine, in Japanese-Cougar was no idiot, and had kept up with the Japanese publications of the magazine, however ridiculous the translations were-and Keitaro had it open to the article on him.  
  
"See, Kitsune, I told you it's him."  
  
"Well, I don't know, Keitaro. He does look like him, but I've seen Cougar do a shooting star press, then get up and go for a moonsault."  
  
"Kitsune, it isn't nice to put him on the spot like that!" quipped the younger girl, Naru.  
  
"Oh, by all means, I do not mind showing off my rather unique talent."  
  
Keitaro watched as Cougar went to the back and brought out another man, about his age.  
  
"This is Gene. He's going to be my sparring partner. Let's show them the ring, Gene."  
  
Cougar and Gene went out back of the store to a large gymnasium-like area, with a regulation WWE ring in the middle. The ring looked like it had been set up, but never used.  
  
"Now, Gene, let's put on a show."  
  
MATCH  
  
Cougar Draven v. Gene Draven  
  
Cougar and Gene sparred a little, then Cougar threw Gene into the ropes, following that up with a big clothesline. Gene got up and dropkicked Cougar, but Cougar bounced back with some hard lefts. Gene attempted a front facelock, but got a swift kick to the gut for his troubles, then quick-piledriven Cougar-style. Cougar drug his friend to the middle of the ring, the landed a Shooting Star Press! He then climbed back up to the top turnbuckle, and leapt off. He landed a moonsault, popped to his feet with Gene in his arms, and landed a powerslam! Cougar then covered Gene...1...2...3!  
  
Winner: Cougar Draven  
  
Cougar hooked the ropes with his arms and rolled over them out of the ring. He walked up to the slack-jawed natives.  
  
"And they wonder why Eric Bischoff fired me."  
  
Cougar walked off, leaving the three friends staring at the former WWE champion. They went to the front of the store, only to find Gene, the man Cougar had wrestled, at the counter.  
  
"Cougar's out to lunch for a while. He should be back later."  
  
Kitsune took the other two aside, and whispered to them for a minute. She then returned the the counter.  
  
"Give him this address when he gets back. I'm sure he can find it."  
  
------  
  
LOVE HINA  
  
Cougar Draven: American Made, and Damn Proud of it!  
  
------  
  
Cougar took the last ten steps two at a time, then paused at the incredibly large Hinata Girls' Apartments. He still was wondering why those two girls had given Gene the address of this place, he passed by here every day, on his way to the place where he spent most of his time. He lived in the store, so when he wanted to get away from there, he went to a spot overlooking the river. Today, he had seen the group pass by, and take the stairs to Hinata. He hadn't thought much of it, at least until now. He remembered that Gene told him that the group bought the Raw magazine. Cougar wondered why they had wanted to see him again. He couldn't remember a single person, with the exception of three, that ever wanted to see him again. Here he was, an American wrestler at a Japanese girls' dorm. The weirdness did not escape him, at least until he paused to knock upon the door. A nice young girl, he guessed about 12, answered.  
  
"Can I help you?"  
  
"I hope so, are Kitsune and Keitaro in?" The young girl called their names. It wasn't long before Keitaro came to the door.  
  
"Oh, Cougar, please come in!"  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Keitaro led him to what he guessed was a waiting area. He then called the others over, while leaving Cougar alone on the couch. The young wrestler reflected on the match...  
  
------  
  
Undertaker covered him for the pin...  
  
1...  
  
2...  
  
...  
  
...  
  
------  
  
Keitaro returned with several young women, including the woman, Kitsune, who had shown the most interest. She shook his hand politely, and the other young lady, Narusegawa Naru was her name, also shook his hand. He was introduced to the others, Maehara Shinobu, the young girl who had answered the door. Aoyama Motoko, a young lady with developed sword skills. Kaolla Su, a young girl who was completely random. Urashima Haruka, the only woman there older than Cougar. And finally, Otohime Mutsumi. A very beautiful girl, if slightly in need to a constant caretaker. It is not necessary to say that our protagonist/wrestler was thinking something not fitting for the public view when he shook Mutsumi's hand, and he was thinking to himself about her lovely assets, when suddenly he felt the wind of a blade towards his back. He rose quickly, spun on his heel, and faced a slightly peeved Motoko.  
  
"How are we supposed to know that this guy isn't ecchi, like Urashima?" Narusegawa stepped to the plate.  
  
"Relax, Motoko-chan. He's fine. Besides, I doubt you can hurt him badly with that sword."  
  
"Why not?" At this point, Cougar decided to join the fray.  
  
"People have tried. The last one ended up through a plate-glass window. I don't get mugged much anymore."  
  
"And how do we know we can trust you?"  
  
"You don't. The same way I don't know I can trust you with that blade. I still have let you keep it pointed towards me for this long."  
  
"What makes you think you can take my blade?"  
  
Before anyone could speak a word, Cougar had rushed behind the young samurai, grabbed her around the neck with one arm, and grabbed her hands with his other hand. The sword clattered to the floor as Cougar whispered into Motoko's ear.  
  
"I am a professional wrestler by trade. I have trained my body and my mind to withstand great pain. Even if you had hit me, it wouldn't have done much. As for the blade, I can only take so much, so I decided that you needed a lesson in humility. I don't often have to prove myself to people, but when I do, I do it well."  
  
Cougar released Motoko, and picked up her sword. The two stood eye-to-eye for a moment, until Cougar tossed the sword in the air, caught it by the flat of the blade, and handed it to Motoko, who put it away. Keitaro noticed an almost cruel glow in Cougar's eyes as the light from the blade reflected in them, almost like he enjoyed the suspense. Motoko then bowed subtly.  
  
"Welcome to Hinata, Cougar-san." Cougar bowed back, a little more stiffly than Motoko.  
  
"Thank you, Motoko-kun. Now then, I've met everyone, so, how are you all doing?" Keitaro spoke first.  
  
"Fine, thank you, Cougar-san. I wanted everyone to meet a true legend."  
  
"I am not as much a legend as you say I am, Keitaro-kun. I was the WWE Champion, but Eric Bischoff fired me."  
  
"It does not matter."  
  
"I understand. Now that I think about it, I have been a little anxious to get back in the ring. Anyone want to learn how to wrestle?" Keitaro's eyes brightened.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, sure. I figure, you love wrestling a lot, you must want to learn how, at least once. Come on over to the shop around noon, and I'll give one of the other guys at the store the counter and show you a few tricks. Call it my way of repaying you for your hospitality. And bring your friends. I'm sure some of them would like to see a former pro in action." With those words, he left, glancing at Motoko before walking out the door.  
  
------  
  
Ok, so not much Action, or Romance. Let's face it, I'm a guy who likes Love Hina, so I suck at both. But hey, I can try, can't I? R&R PLZ!!!!!!!!!!! 


	2. The Ringmaster in Action: PIN?

****WrestleMania Hinata****  
  
Disclaimer: you read this already. Go away.  
  
A/N: Part two is a bit longer than part one. No flames, please! Remember, people who flame get set on fire in their sleep ^_^!!! P.S. Gene and Sky are real people too, and Sky really can kick my ass. And forget the age thing. I am not 29, I am actually 16 and a half. I just needed an acceptable age for a WWE Champion.  
  
*Chapter Two: The Ringmaster in Action: PIN???*  
  
Cougar was in the ring doing crunches when Keitaro walked in, accompanied by Motoko, Kitsune, and Narusegawa. He wasn't expecting Naru, but what the hell, right? He showed them some places to sit that were comfortable, and told them that if they got in the ring, they would need the seats. He then discussed his training.  
  
"It has been a year since my last group of students in wrestling finished their lessons and began work for indy promotions in America. I charged them, but since I can live comfortably on my bank account, I don't charge for training. But, I have some rules. This is not a ring to get in if you can't stand any pain at all. Learn to live with a few bruises. Second, for you three ladies, if you have a problem with being taught how to wrestle by a guy, I can't help you. I don't have a female wrestler handy at the moment, but if I train you, I will. Last, I will not injure you on purpose. That is why you need to learn how to bump."  
  
For the next two hours, he taught the the four how to bump. When he rested, they all collapsed in their seats. Narusegawa was the first to speak.  
  
"How is it you stood wrestling for so long?"  
  
"To this day, Naru-chan, I do not know. I even forgot how I won the championship at WrestleMania. I guess it's because I trained my body to withstand the pressure. If you don't want to come back, you don't have to."  
  
"That's not it. I want to learn how to wrestle, but I'm exhausted. You don't seem to be."  
  
"Well, my guess is that you're not drinking enough water."  
  
"What?"  
  
"You got blown up easily out there. You also seem very thirsty."  
  
"I am, and what do you mean by 'blown up'?"  
  
"It means exhausted. You are probably dehydrated, and you're not eating enough healthy food, so your body can't handle long periods, or short ones, for that matter, of strenuous exercise. My recommendation is that all four of you, including you, Motoko-chan, start eating a healthier diet, and drink a little more water each day. Also, keep coming back here if you want to work out. I have a gym in the back, as well."  
  
------  
  
For the next two weeks, Naru, Motoko, Kitsune, and Keitaro regularly attended classes at the Cougar Draven school of wrestling. Keitaro also regularly worked out in Cougar's gym, and the results were beginning to show. One morning, Keitaro was doing his regular chores, cleaning the hot springs in this case, when Narusegawa came in, with her towel on, ready to soak for a while.  
  
"Gomen nasai, Naru! I'll leave!"  
  
"Thank you, Keitaro. By the way, you look good." Keitaro was quite shocked at Naru's friendly comment, and showed it.  
  
"You too, Naru. You look great." Naru smiled sweetly as Keitaro left. When Keitaro was in the hallway, he thought to himself, *Narusegawa is very beautiful when she smiles. I wish she would do it more often.* Meanwhile, back in the hot springs, Naru was thinking *Wow, Keitaro looks really good now that he's been working out. I think he may also be getting a little more mature, with his muscles.*  
  
Later that afternoon, Keitaro went to the gym for a workout session, where he met with Cougar. They worked out for two hours, and when they were on a break, Keitaro spoke to Cougar.  
  
"Cougar-san, I have a question for you."  
  
"Well, ask away, but first, I must ask that you call me Cougar. I am not that much older than you are."  
  
"OK, Cougar. How is it you have so much luck with women? I've seen you hanging out with some of the local girls, and none of them have ever hit you with anything."  
  
"Ahhh, I see. May I make a guess and say that you wish Narusegawa to like you better?"  
  
"Yes, I do. I like her a lot, and I would like to ask her out, but I need to stop being an idiot."  
  
"That reminds me. When you first came into my store, what had you done so that Naru hit you?"  
  
"I slipped and landed on her...you know."  
  
"Ahhh. I understand. Let me give you some pointers. One, I'm not as lucky with relationships as you think I am."  
  
"You're not?"  
  
"No. If I was, I might still be on the road with WWE. Second, you need to cut down on the nosebleeds."  
  
"What nosebleeds?"  
  
"Don't give me that. I'm a wrestler. Last week, when Naru, Kitsune, and Motoko came out to the ring in their wrestling attire I had Gene make them, and no, I didn't specifically tell him to make it tight and revealing, I told him "suitable for wrestling with me at my peak. He made something that wouldn't flap around a lot. I saw your nose start to trickle."  
  
"Oh yeah. Naru saw it, too."  
  
"I know, that would be why she tried to hit you, also why she missed and hit me." Cougar looked at the mirror nearby at the bruise that was slowly healing. He hadn't moved much at all from the Naru punch, but it had hurt like hell. He turned back to Keitaro with a slightly sadistic grin on his face.  
  
"Third, and most important, you need to try to inprove your coordination. Don't slip and fall, unless Su-chan drops a banana peel in front of you. Even then, don't fall into Naru."  
  
"How do I do that?"  
  
"Do what I do." With that, Cougar went out to the ring, motioning for Keitaro to follow. When they got there, Cougar rolled into the ring, and ran back and forth, using the ropes as momentum for the next run. He did this for a few minutes, then stopped on a dime and spun on his heels.  
  
"If you do this, you'll be able to run back and forth for a long time before you get tired. And, eventually, you'll be able to stop the momentum of a fall. The last time I slipped, I accidentally invented a finisher."  
  
"What?" Cougar smiled.  
  
"I'll have to find that tape of last year's Backlash. I was wrestling Scott Steiner, the champion, and I won the match. That was the start of my run, until I lost the title to Steiner, and entered the King of the Ring. In the match, I had Steiner over my arm, almost a Rock Bottom, but I picked him up into the air with my other hand. In reality, I was going to give him a modified spinebuster, but I slipped, and he landed on his face. I covered him for the win, and they call that move the Freightliner now."  
  
"Ok, so I just run back and forth in the ring?"  
  
"Yeah, except you have to use the ropes to create additional momentum, then train your feet to stop on a dime. Many people don't believe me, but wrestling taught me my physical limits as a human, as well as my mental limits. You've never been up for a Tombstone, have you?"  
  
"No, I haven't. But it looks painful." Cougar laughed.  
  
"That's something you will learn in time. Go back to Hinata and get your friends."  
  
"Why don't you come with me?" Cougar thought for a second, then spoke.  
  
"I'll follow you. I'll bring something useful."  
  
------  
  
LOVE HINA  
  
Flamers will be drug into the story and powerbombed.  
  
------  
  
Keitaro heard the truck before anyone else, and was already out there when everyone else came outside and saw the large truck. Haruka spoke first.  
  
"What the hell is that thing?" Cougar laughed.  
  
"It is a wrestling ring. I study a lot, and in the past weeks have found a secluded area within the property of Hinata, so I brought you guys one of my spare rings, so you can all practice. I brought some guys who know how to set it up, too." Keitaro asked the question on most of their minds. (Su-chan cannot be vouched for, as she was out hunting Tama, and Mutsumi was passed out on the couch, as the stress of standing made her faint.)  
  
"What about your store?"  
  
"I closed it down for today. Besides, the guys agreed that they want to watch me teach you some more moves, and plus, they always did enjoy me wrestling."  
  
Then she appeared. Shorter than Cougar, but taller than Gene. She was the third of the ring set-up crew, besides Cougar and Gene. Naru spoke.  
  
"Who is she?"  
  
"That's Sky Draven. Before you all ask, the 'Draven' thing is just a wrestling gimmick. We're not related, really."  
  
"Why didn't you have her train us? She is, after all, female. And you refer to her as 'one of the guys'. Why?"  
  
"First of all, she doesn't actually like to wrestle. She did wrestle a match back in WWE, but she decided she liked setting up the ring and hitting guys who actually qualified as 'hentai no baka' right square in the...well, since there are young'uns here, I'll let you all figure it out. Second, she's always been one of the guys, as back in high school, she coulda kicked my ass."  
  
"Oh, I see."  
  
The Dravens set up the ring rather quickly, and they were all resting, when two young men came up.  
  
"Hey Keitaro, who's this guy? And why are you sitting with that mean girl?" Cougar shot out of his seat so fast, it made the two intruders back away.  
  
"Keitaro, who the hell are these guys?" Keitaro chuckled nervously.  
  
"They're Haitani and Shirai. They're some friends of mine." Cougar nodded.  
  
"Ok, that means they escape injury...for now. I have a feeling that I'm not going to like you two very much, though." Cougar sat back down, and Keitaro's friends relaxed. Shirai spoke again, though.  
  
"Keitaro, I asked why you are sitting next to that mean girl?" Keitaro grew slightly flustered.  
  
"She isn't mean at all! She's very nice! And you guys shouldn't be making fun of her!" Shirai grew angry. The two men started shouting, until at one point, Keitaro grew so angry, he picked up Shirai on his shoulders. He was about to give him a Death Valley Driver, when Cougar stood up.  
  
"Keitaro, put him down. He doesn't need to be hurt...yet. I do, however, have an idea." Cougar called his students over, then spoke quietly.  
  
"I think Keitaro should challenge the loudmouthed one to a match. He needs to test his skills, and I could swear I saw the other guy brace for the DVD." Motoko and Kitsune immediately agreed, but Naru was not as eager to see Shirai get a beating.  
  
"What if Keitaro gets hurt? I don't want him in danger." Cougar got an all-too-familiar sadistic grin on his face, then spoke.  
  
"Don't worry, if Keitaro looks like he's in danger, I'll whoop ass myself. And, Keitaro, I'll see if I can get him to give you an Irish Whip." Keitaro smiled.  
  
------  
  
MATCH  
  
Keitaro v. Shirai  
  
Keitaro started the match with a wristlock takedown, then went up top and waited. When Shirai stood, he was taken down with a missile dropkick. Shirai whipped Keitaro into the ropes, then attempted a dropkick. Keitaro stopped just short of Shirai's feet, so that the shorter man dropped to the canvas. Keitaro picked up Shirai and gave him a Death Valley Driver. He then covered him...1...2...3!  
  
Winner: Keitaro  
  
Shirai was furious. He started rampaging until he saw Cougar.  
  
"You set me up when he challenged me! I could have beat him! The ref was crooked!" Cougar laughed.  
  
"No, my young friend, you did not get screwed. You got pinned. That referee is a good ref, he always has been. I've asked him to try and sawy matches in my favor, he always says no. You lost, fair and square, to a man standing up for a friend. Good day." Shirai ran towards Cougar, only to be put down by a Big Boot from the former pro. Cougar walked over to Keitaro.  
  
"Congratulations on your first victory, even if it wasn't in a professional match. And your coordination is improving. And, finally, you are learning about yourself. Keep it up, and you can do anything you want." Cougar walked away. Keitaro called after him.  
  
"Cougar, wait! You said something about you being not that much older than me. How old are you?" Cougar laughed.  
  
"How old do you think I am, Keitaro?"  
  
"I would guess somewhere around 24."  
  
"I'm 29. I started in the business when I was 24, after teaching at my old high school for two years." Cougar walked away.  
  
------  
  
Keitaro and his three friends learned much from Cougar over the next five months, and after they had leanred everything he had to teach, they practiced with him. About this time, Cougar started to get new students, male and female. Cougar told the three women he had already taught, to take the girls aside, and tell them they had their choice of who to learn from, and to give them the rules according to Cougar. He also told all of them that they were to recommend who they thought would teach best. Cougar was expecting Kitsune to say herself, Motoko to say Naru, and Naru to say Motoko. He had no idea what Keitaro would say. Instead, they all recommended Cougar. He had namy new students, and his first four were glad to practice with the new breed.  
  
Mutsumi had started treatment for her anemia, and was actually getting better. Keitaro had asked Naru out, and they had been going out for three months. Shirai became one of Cougar's new student, and learned a lot from Keitaro and Cougar. Motoko greatly improved her sword technique, and also became almost unstoppable. She almost beat Cougar in a match. Kitsune almost completely stopped drinking, and Naru and Keitaro started studying with a former teacher, Cougar. Finally, the entrance exams for Tokyo University rolled around. That night, Cougar asked Mutsumi out to dinner, and they were just returning when they saw Keitaro and Naru. Cougar, being the gentleman he had always tried to be, spoke up.  
  
"Hey, you two, how did the exams go?" Keitaro spoke up for both of them.  
  
"We'll tell you guys with the rest of them." Little did Keitaro know, Cougar had tagged along, as Mutsumi had also taken the exam, so he knew what the scores were, but chose not to say anything. They reached Hinata, and the familiar question was asked. Cougar smiled as he heard Keitaro and Naru jump in the air and say the exact same number:  
  
"100!!!"  
  
------  
  
To be continued...  
  
------  
  
OK, I like this ending. Let me know if you have any storyline suggestions, as I know the ending, but not much of what to do in between. 


	3. Tha Killa Returns : CHAIR?

****WrestleMania Hinata****  
  
A/N: In the past two days, I have tripled my story count, and lowered my average words per entry 1,000 words. Still, I have only two reviews combined, and they're both from the same person. So, It's 2:15 in the morning, and I still have a chapter going in my only M*A*S*H story, Cibola of the East, but after deciding to hold off on publishing my first attempt at total randomness, I'm going to wear off my Mountain Dew high by writing some more of this. No, really, you don't have to take my 1 liter! I'm fine! No, I never said anything about monkeys with chainsaws....No, that rug really did try to eat my shoe five minutes ago...put my damn shotgun down! I need it for squirrel hunting! Why a shotgun? I miss less that way. ...oooooooook, I'll just start writing now.  
  
A/N (2): I don't own WWE, Love Hina, or any of the people in here, except: Tha Killa, Cougar, Gene, Sky, and Hunter. I wouldn't bother suing me, then. And Stephanie is **NOT** in her current WWE character. That would have been all too easy, and less fun for me. I wanted the Cougar to finally get laid, and twice! ^_^  
  
A/N (3): The Cougar Theory on Emotions is my actual belief, although I don't know if it can be proven.  
  
*Chapter 3*  
  
*Tha Killa Returns: CHAIR???*  
  
Cougar entered his business at 8 in the morning. This was becoming a routine, and although Cougar said he was filling in for Keitaro, who was now a two-year student at Tokyo University, Gene could swear Cougar was spending his mornings (and a goodly portion of the nights, as well) with his girlfriend (two years in August, Cougar often said), Otohime Mutsumi. Gene had said something like that to Cougar before, but Cougar had some undeniable logic behind his alibi.  
  
"Of course I'm at Hinata! Mutsumi's apartment is the other way! Remember, after she started college at Tokyo University, she got an apartment here?"  
  
"But I always thought she lived at Hinata?"  
  
"No, she doesn't! I would know."  
  
"Yeah, I know you would. You left here around 1 in the morning."  
  
"How did you...ummm, different subject. Any calls, mail, or packages for me?"  
  
"Just one. A postcard from Tha Killa."  
  
Cougar grabbed the card and read it carefully, stopping halfway through when he realized he couldn't understand it, because for two years he had been speaking and writing primarily in Japanese. He handed it back to Gene and told him to translate it.  
  
"It says here that WWE is coming to Japan sometime soon, and that Eric Bischoff would like to have Cougar back in the company for a few shows." Gene knew that there was more than what was on the postcard, but since he had recieved a similar one from Tha Killa, he chose to keep his mouth shut.  
  
"Ok, I might just join them, maybe. It really depends. Oh, and call Keitaro. He always leaves his cell on. Tell him that he and the other three don't have to report to the ring until about half an hour later than usual. I had some problems getting here, and I got calls from everyone but Shirai telling me they won't be able to make it until then. Something about the weather. I called Shirai, and he said ok."  
  
Half an hour later, Cougar came out to the counter.  
  
"Did you call Keitaro?"  
  
"Yeah, but he said he'd make it here on time. He wants to practice some."  
  
"Ok, that's good. I could always use a little practice, if Bisch really wants me back."  
  
------  
  
Kitsune, Motoko, and the two Tokyo U students arrived with Mutsumi Otohime in tow. Gene told them that Cougar was working out in the gym, and would like to see Keitaro alone, and that the three girls should train a little in the ring, while the two guys talked. Naru asked Keitaro what he wanted to do, and Keitaro decided he would join Cougar for a little man-to-man talk. When Keitaro got back there, he was slightly shocked to see Cougar with a bottle of alcohol. He couldn't read the label, so he asked Cougar what it was, and explained the problem.  
  
"Oh, Keitaro, I can't read the label either, and for the same damn reason. For two years, I haven't spoken, read, or written English, and I forgot the damn language almost entirely. But I can still recognize a bottle of Jack Daniels anyway. Don't worry about me drinking, I'm over 30, and plus, I only had a little bit." Keitaro inspected the fifth, and sure enough, there was only a little gone, and this was proven by Cougar's coordination, which seemed to drop off a cliff when he drank.  
  
"You wanted to speak to me?" Cougar grinned.  
  
"Yeah. I wanted to tell you a little bit about my past. Way back in middle school, or junior high, whatever, I was a total fucking loser. Then I hit high school, and I was almost on top. I hit a low my freshman year, from adjusting to the building and such, but my second year, I started to become very popular, and some of my friends called me Tha Lady Killa. Well, hell, I met my best friend, and tag team partner, in high school. My sophomore year, the first one, we were Saotome and The Killer. Later that year, my friends dubbed me 667, and I dubbed him Tha Killa. He's used that name for years since then, because that was 15 years ago. Then, I royally screwed my high school career by failing the 10th grade. So, I had to repeat it. During my second sophomore year, they dubbed me Cougar Draven, along with Gene, Sky, and another one of us, Hunter. Sure, we all had real names, but they really don't matter when you have a gimmick you can live. And I did. But still, I had already started training my body for the business, that's professional wrestling, by the way." Cougar took a swig from his bottle, then put the cap on and skidded it across the floor, at least fifteen feet from him.  
  
"So then there was college. I studied education, so I could become a teacher, which is what I wanted. I got out of college at 22, and taught for two years. Then someone saw me work an indy match in my hometown, with Tha Killa by my side, and they hired us both. Shit, we had some good times, and I even started a minor relationship with Stephanie McMahon, but that didn't go anywhere big. At least not right away. Five years into the business, I'm making money, because I'm keeping my road expenses low, flying lowest class I can get, sleeping in shitty motels, and sometimes even in my damn car. Then, I hear Vince is having some problems with the company, and wants to sell some of it. I was one of Vince's biggest supporters, because the man was almost an idol to me. I would have done anything for the McMahons. Anything. I begged Vince not to sell to Bisch, but he did anyway, after explaining it to me why. I feel sorry that the man had to sell that damn company to Bisch, but he had to. So the first thing Bisch does, is right after I beat Taker for the belt at WrestleMania, is fire me, Tha Killa, and a lot of the other loyal guys. He even told us that we could keep our belts, because he was making new ones. I powerbombed his ass through a damn table, then I left the arena. I went to see Stephanie McMahon. She was crying, a lot, because she was lonely. Her relationship with Triple H had ended a few months before, and they were still on good terms, so that wasn't it. I asked her what it was, and she told me that she was so mad at Eric Bischoff, she wanted to hit him. I told her he had been taken care of, but that's all I told her. Then I told her that I had been fired, along with a lot of the other guys. She started crying on my shoulder, and things kinda got out of hand from there. When we were...umm...finished, a couple of hours later, I told her I was taking a redeye flight out of Metro, that's the airport we were near, because we were near my home. I told her where I was going, and even sent her a postcard begging her not to tell anyone where I was. I also sent Tha Killa a postcard, telling him I didn't want him worrying about me, and that if he ever wanted to visit, he knew where I was. They both kept their word, because I checked the web for two weeks, up until the time I originally saw you guys, and sure, they had a story about who got fired, and they even mentioned that people were shouting 'we want Cougar' at the tapings. They then went on to say that Cougar Draven, the enigma with the brass balls to stand up to Eric Bischoff, had disappeared without a trace. I'm sure someone found out where I was going, somewhere, but still, I was gone, and they all noticed it. Then, I checked the site a couple of weeks later. You remember when you first talked to me on how to act more mature?" Keitaro nodded.  
  
"You remember how I said if I was lucky enough with relationships, I'd still be on the road?" Keitaro nodded again.  
  
"That very day, I checked the website. They mentioned the fact that business had been in another slump, and Eric Bischoff had hired back talent, including Tha Killa. He was interviewed, and during that interview, he was asked if he would ever attempt to find and contact Cougar Draven, and he said no. I became the most talked-about name in wrestling overnight. That was fine, and I brushed it off. I didn't want to go back. Now it may be time for my past to come back to get me."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"Tha Killa is going to be coming to Japan with WWE soon, and Eric Bischoff wants me back. Gene told me this morning. He didn't tell me something, though. Do you know what it is?" Keitaro shook his head, because Gene had not told him what he didn't want Cougar to know.  
  
"Damn! Oh well, now you know why no one ever tried to find me, and why I sometimes wish I could go back. Maybe, if I hadn't powerbombed Bisch, I might have a steady job in the business I'm good at. But there is a downside. I wouldn't have met you guys. Come on, let's go out to the ring and put on a match."  
  
Cougar and Keitaro walked down to the ring, and did a practice match. But to Keitaro, it was rather obvious that Cougar wasn't trying. Keitaro even landed the DVD, and covered Cougar. Before the referee could count 3, music blared over the speakers, and a video played on the screen. Cougar shot to his feet, and shouted the only word in English he could remember. Keitaro didn't know what it meant, but he only heard Cougar say it when he hurt himself. He thought it started with the English letter f, though. But all of them were on their feet when a man, a little shorter than Cougar, but carrying two guitar cases, and with two WWE Tag Team Championship belts slung across his shoulder. When the man reached the ring, he set down his equipment and greeted the wide-eyed, slack-jawed Cougar. The man then started speaking English, but quickly figured out Cougar couldn't grasp the language. The man switched to Japanese.  
  
"Cougar, you bastard, how the hell are you?"  
  
"I don't believe it! You aren't supposed to be here yet! Everyone, this is Tha Killa!" Cougar introduced everyone there, then picked up the smaller case.  
  
"You brought my guitar?"  
  
"Yeah, you left it back with the rest of us, in the dressing room. You grabbed your suitcase, and got the hell out of there. And you did good, too. Boy, was Bisch mad, well, when he woke up, anyway. Steph showed up and kicked him in the balls, too." Cougar glanced at Keitaro and smiled.  
  
"I knew she would. So, why the hell are you already here?"  
  
"Well, like I wrote, Bisch is bringing WWE to Japan, and he wants you to join the tour for a couple of shows."  
  
"That's not all that's going on. Gene didn't tell me what else there is, but I know that something else is going on."  
  
"Well, yeah, but I'll tell ya later. Hey, I want to see you wrestle. I saw you wrestle the kid over here, and I know you weren't trying. Not that he couldn't beat ya or nothin', you just didn't care. So, why don't you wrestle me, to see if you're still good enough to work with us. I mean, if you can't cut it, why bother, right?" Cougar raised one eyebrow in a gesture of sarcasm, then stepped into the ring and shook his joints loose. As he neared, Tha Killa told him that he would reveal all later, after the younger people had left.  
  
MATCH  
  
Cougar Draven v. Tha Killa  
  
Cougar started the match off with a hard clothesline, then whipped Tha Killa into the ropes. Killa ducked the second clothesline, and countered into a neckbreaker. Cougar bounced up, and the two started trading lefts. Cougar caught Killa's fist and took him down. Killa came back with a chokeslam than sent Cougar to the mat for a two count. Cougar got up and kicked Tha Killa in the gut, then gave him a Freightliner...1...2...3!  
  
Winner: Cougar Draven  
  
Cougar hooked the ropes and dropped out of the ring, then spoke to a grinning Killa.  
  
"You never could beat me. Oh, shit! Keitaro, Naru, you guys all better go home, or Haruka is gonna kill me the next time I host a Shirai v. Keitaro contest. Mutsumi, you go with them, and I'll drop by later, ok?" Cougar kissed Mutsumi, and the group left.  
  
------  
  
LOVE HINA  
  
Flamers beware, Tha Killa is on your trail!  
  
------  
  
Cougar and Keitaro shared the bottle of Jack Daniels while Tha Killa told his story.  
  
"Yeah, so you found out Bisch hired me back. Great deal for him, crap for me, but I got a better deal the next time. He put me in a gimmick where I was training Maven, and we even won the new straps. But it just wasn't the same. You weren't there, and I told Bisch he'd be sorry every chance I got. He just wasn't budging. But early last year, he started to have the same kind of problems Vince was having, so he sold one quarter of the company."  
  
"To who?"  
  
"Stephanie McMahon."  
  
"No shit?"  
  
"Nope, I'm serious. So Steph helps us out, but for some reason, word got out about your little...how shall I put this...encounter, the night you got fired, so while the original plans were to have her pass it off as being on Bisch's side, she got cheered so damn loud for keeping her alliances with you, and they started up the 'we want Cougar' chant again, for the first time in almost six months. Great, right? No. Steph and I both knew where you were, and even Bisch had you pinned in Japan, but he didn't know where. But he didn't want you back. Until last month. Last month was Judgment Day, you know that. Well, his champ, Steiner, of course, was facing off against Hunter for the big 20-punder. Which, by the way, is ugly as hell. So Steiner screws up, and the heels lose the match. So Maven and I are teaming up against Undertaker and Kane, and Kane turns on Taker, so Maven and I become two-time Tag Champs. Steiner was supposed to keep the strap, but Hunter, that's Helmsley, mind you, Hunter Draven quit the damn business, he wasn't even fired, and joined the damn army, but keeps in touch. Trips took a move you patented to win the match, too. He tossed the belt at Steiner, and when Steiner caught it right in front of his face, Hunter superkicked him, the way you won the title from him at the Judgment Day three years before. See, Hunter thought that one up all himself, and that really got the chants going. Hell, J.R. even mentioned it, and the King started chanting right along with them. Then Bisch comes out, trying to straighten the story out. He may be an ass, but he always did have a good eye for bad tidings. He tried to strip Trips of the big 2-0, but Steph comes out, and in a drastic attempt to keep order, or in this case destroy it, debuts a return two weeks early. All she said was a few words, I remembere them exactly. She said, 'Eric, you of all people should know, glass breaks in odd places.' Boom! Stone Cold Steve Austin comes out, stunners Bisch, and hands Hunter the belt. Then he signals for the beer. It took him a damn hour to get out of that damn building, he was so happy to be back. The next day, Steph names him a two-time General Manager. In the back, she also put him in charge of booking, and said that she intended to, for at least one night, fulfill every fan's promise, and bring back Tha Dungeon Masta. Bisch thinks about it, decides he might as well try to make up for some crap, and goes out to the ring and blows everyone away. No one knew what was gonna happen, least of all me. Shit, I didn't even know about the promise Steph made to Bisch about the whole thing. I'm happy, until Bisch announces he has you pinpointed somewhere in the Orient. Now Steph and I are laughing, because we know exactly where you are, and Bisch had no freaking clue the entire time. Then I find out the kicker. Bisch wants you back, on the road, full-time. I heard this shit, and sent Gene a quick e-mail telling him in so many words, I needed to know as much shit on you as he knew, and pronto. He tells me you run a magazine shop, moderately successful, and that you are training wrestlers, and you have a big project that he thinks, he really said this, by the way, should be in a WWE ring with at least a big strap around his waist, at least IC. He tells me you got a girl, and I gave all the info to Steph. She was kinda sad about the fact that you had a girl, but we both had a laugh when we sent her your pic. I saw her out at the ring there, and she sure as hell is your style, man. She is very pretty. Anyway, I give Steph the info I got on you, and make an inference that A, you ain't watchin' WWE anymore, B, you probably wouldn't mind seeing Bisch get the hell beaten out of him, and C, you do not want to be a full-time employee of the WWE. Steph agrees, gives me enough paid vacation to leave as soon as possible to tell you this shit, and told Bisch to go to hell when he protested. She also told him that if he didn't let me have the time, she was gonna have Hunter drag him out to the ring and pedigree his ass in front of everyone. I think Bisch didn't bother to think twice. I spent three days covering my tracks, and brought Maven and Kane with me. They got the time too. Steph explained that we was off traveling the Far East in search of the enigma, Cougar Draven. So the Tag straps are covered for two months. That's when WWE is showing up. When we got here, I told Maven, who speaks Japanese beautifully, to cover the reporters, and Kane, who speaks Japanese a little better than I do, but not as well as you or Maven, to cover the TV and radio people. I especially told him to avoid anyone from Baseball. Those people got nuts last time we were here, remember?"  
  
"Yeah, they all wanted a picture of Cougar and Tha Killa."  
  
"Yeah. So I told them where I was going, and they'll be back here tomorrow. Maven is going to send them to Sendai, and Kane said he would go for not even in Japan, but I doubt they'll believe him, so he said as a backup, he'll mention Okinawa. Bisch wants you back full-time, and before you say no, let me say that Steph and I don't care, if you're happy here, stay here. And if we can, we'll get you an opportunity to Jackknife Bisch again. This ain't gonna be too hard, 'cause I heard Steiner talkin' about puttin' the hurt on the bastard." Cougar laughed.  
  
"Yeah, if Steiner can see that he's an ass, Bisch ain't kissin' up enough."  
  
"Yeah, I guess so. Hey, I showed you where you can stay upstairs, right?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Sweet. Come with me to Hinata. They're expecting me, and there are some there you haven't met. You still single, or have you found a Lady Killa yet?"  
  
"Single for life, so far anyway."  
  
"That's ok, I guess. I know of a girl there who is your type, and she's pretty fair with the bottle, at least she used to be. You were like that in college."  
  
"I guess I was, wasn't I? And what's she like?"  
  
"Well, she's in her mid-twenties, great figure, not as great as Mutsumi's mind you."  
  
"Yeah, but y'all's biased."  
  
"Good point. She is a very nice girl, and were it not for her, I think I may have died on more than one occasion."  
  
"You want to talk about that one, Cougar?"  
  
"Nah, forget it. Just a little afterthought. Come on, let's go."  
  
------  
  
Cougar and Tha Killa arrived at Hinata house about an hour before the sun went down. After some introductions, he left with Mutsumi, and Tha Killa related his story one more time. Mutsumi and Cougar went out onto the landing where Motoko practiced her swordsmanship, and climbed to the roof. They sat and watched the sunset, hand in hand, while Cougar explained the story, until it was long enough after dark for Cougar to take off his ever-present sunglasses. Mutsumi noticed this, and commented on it.  
  
"You have very pretty eyes, and they are a remarkable shade of blue. Why do you always hide them behind your sunglasses?"  
  
"I learned something back in high school, and that was that the more I wore the shades, the less people could see of me. Not physically, but emotionally. You know I used to be a teacher, right?"  
  
"Yes, I do."  
  
"Well, my first year, one of my former teachers had me speak to his psychology class. I knew why, but his class didn't. This was a college professor, asking a first-year high school history teacher to come in a speak. I proceeded to read them my thesis on emotions, and their visibility. My theory was, is, and will forever be that the only true 'windows to the soul' were the eyes. I asked Keitaro when Naru was more beautiful to him, and he responded by telling me that he loved her most when she smiled without her glasses. He didn't even understand it until I explained it."  
  
"Explained what, Cougar?"  
  
"It has been proven that every emotion known to man can be displayed through the eyes. Back in high school, I wore glasses. One day, I was in a fight, and I got my glasses knocked off. I don't remember the look I gave the guy, but he tried to back down. I got green contacts the next year, and started to wear my sunglasses every day."  
  
"But why green, when your eyes are so beautifully blue?" Cougar smiled, and Mutsumi felt her heart warm at the true feeling in the smile. Cougar kissed her, then continued.  
  
"When I was in high school, I was regularly depressed. I used to talk about suicide, and one day, I just happened to look into a mirror, and my eyes looked gray. I didn't know why, then, though I do now. It was because I didn't have anything that I truly cared about. The next year, things started to look up, and I got a regular pair of contacts, although I still wore my sunglasses. To this day, I still wear my sunglasses, even in the ring sometimes. I actually forgot how to smile then, too. Even now, sometimes my friends will mention that I look sad when I smile, and they remember my past, and how I tried to forget it. My sunglasses help to conceal the true emotions I may be feeling. For instance, when I heard about Bischoff wanting me back full-time, I was so pissed. And although I wear these a lot, I think Tha Killa knew it somehow." Mutsumi smiled at him, and they sat for a few more minutes, then went back inside. They talked with the group, and Tha Killa decided to head back to the store. Cougar stayed for a few minutes, then stood up. He extended his hand to Mutsumi.  
  
"Mind if I walk you home, my dear?" Mutsumi smiled, took his hand, and they started on their way. About halfway down the stairs, Cougar spotted a large, red-and-black clad figure harassing Shirai, the unofficial guard of Hinata. After Su and Shinobu had gone off to high school, Shirai had kept watch.  
  
"I don't care who you are, I need to see Cougar!"  
  
"I'm sorry, sir, but I was given orders by Keitaro not to let anyone in, unless he personally OK's it!"  
  
"Then go in and get him!"  
  
"I wish I could, but it's late, and I don't want to disturb his sleep!" Cougar decided not to try to keep from laughing any more, and joined the fun.  
  
"Shirai, at this hour of the night, I doubt he's sleeping yet. And Kane, please try to be nice to our guards. We can't have you chokeslamming them on those stairs, or I might be out another student." The Big Red Machine ran over to the enigma.  
  
"Cougar, I've been looking for you! Maven and I are back!"  
  
"I can tell. You do know where my shop is, right?"  
  
"Yes, we do. Maven went there, to try to find Gene."  
  
"Well, he and Tha Killa are expecting you. I set up some rooms for you guys. I'm going to walk this lovely young lady home, and I shall make my presence known in the morning. Go get some sleep. And you don't have to wear the mask after dark. You'll trip. Shirai is educated in 'real wrestling'. And Tha Killa and Gene have seen you countless times without it, so don't hurt yourself. See you in the morning, man." And with that, he walked off.  
  
When Cougar and Mutsumi reached her apartment, she invited him in to sit and chat for a while, but they never made it quite to the couch. As Cougar was removing her top, all the while kissing her neck, she was removing his, and helping to undress herself as well, as Cougar was slightly toasted.  
  
A few hours later, they woke up together, still in her living room. Cougar offered to carry her to her bed, and when he did, she invited him to join her. He did, but not with intentions other than pure. Cougar held Mutsumi close to him, and fell asleep thinking he was the happiest man in the world. At that exact moment, he was probably right.  
  
------  
  
Cougar woke up around 7:30, still in the same position he had fallen asleep in. He decided to wake Mutsumi by softly kissing her neck. When she woke up, they stayed in that position for several minutes, until Cougar realized he had promised to make it back sometime in the night. He dressed, and when Mutsumi was dressed, albeit in a flimsy nightgown, he carried her down to her kitchen and made breakfast. He ate quickly, and kissed her goodbye before attempting to set new landspeed records on his way back to his store. He walked quietly from half a block away, but as he snuck under the counter, he almost ran right into Gene's legs.  
  
"And this time I got proof." Cougar stood, and asked for an explanation.  
  
"First, you were coming from the direction of Mutsumi's apartment. Second, Kane got here around 11, and said he saw you with a pretty brunette, that matched Tha Killa's description. Third, and most importantly, you left your sunglasses at Hinata. The last time you even took off your sunglasses for more than the length of a match, you were with a girl."  
  
"Just a question, but why do you care?"  
  
"Well, I tried to get you to admit you found someone you cared about, which, if you'll recall, you told me would never happen on the flight here."  
  
"Hey, we're even. You leaked information to Tha Killa."  
  
"Good point. Anyway, the only reason I'm out here this early, is that the other guys are waiting in the gym, and you always try to sneak in this way. You always have. And did you try to set Tha Killa up with Kitsune? He got a goddamn date with her already! What is it with you wrestlers?"  
  
"Who are you to talk? Look at how fast you got your first date with Storm, and then think twice before telling me waiting almost six months before asking Mutsumi out was fast, especially for me. Come on, let's get down there."  
  
The wrestling group that would collectively become known as Destructive Force reminisced for a few hours, when Keitaro showed up, towing his wrestling class and Shirai.  
  
"Holy shit, Cougar, there are press everywhere, demanding to see 'the Enigma'. Who the hell is that?"  
  
"It's me, Keitaro. What did you tell them?"  
  
"I told them to f@$% off, is what I told them." Cougar laughed out loud.  
  
"Good for you, Keitaro, you may just yet become a wrestler by nature. Come, join us, and we will tell the tale of WWE."  
  
For the next six hours, the wrestlers told stories about the business, and what they loved, hated, and missed about the days when Vince ran the place. Kane spoke for them all when he said a simple thing.  
  
"Shit, if you were still there, Cougar, we could have kept Bisch from getting too much power. I'm sorry to hear you won't be coming back full-time, but I would love to see you wrestle a few shows. Hell, I think we could get Keitaro and Naru here on one of the shows. Bisch knows that you don't like him much, so if you make that one of your conditions, it will happen for sure." Cougar grinned.  
  
"Yeah, that just might."  
  
------  
  
Well, not too much left of this one, but I'm still waiting for a goddamned review. I might just change the ending if I don't get any, and you'll never know anyway. 


	4. Bischoff v Draven: BLOOD?

Chapter 4  
  
Bischoff v. Draven: BLOOD?!?!?  
  
The morning sun shone upon the sleeping figure of Cougar Draven. He knew he only had one day left. The press vans were becoming an eyesore outside his store, but he couldn't just hit them. He, while forever a gai-jin, had adopted the belief system known as bushido. He could not allow himself to hurt another outside the ring. He had done it before, and it was becoming difficult to harm others even inside a ring, but he had to train. Eric Bischoff would be arriving with the wrestling tour tentative schedule the next day. Cougar already knew the dates and locations, he had helped Stephanie McMahon, who had arrived earlier that month, plan some of them himself. The final show would be held in front of 10,000 fans in Cougar's ring. Cougar was scheduled on all 5 shows, he knew, and he knew that the fans would know, because word had indeed gotten out. Perhaps it was seeing Steve Austin in a business neighborhood. Maybe it was the increase of wrestlers arriving by plane. Maybe it was the fact that Bubba Ray, Devon, and Spike Dudley had shown up at the Hinata coffeehouse. No one could say what had set it off for sure, but one thing was for certain: The Enigma had been found.  
  
Cougar had decided it might be better to train as hard as he could for the time he had left. He was in shape, and so was every wrestler who was there. Even Stephanie McMahon stepped into the ring for an hour or two to train with Kitsune, Narusegawa, and Motoko. That was the perfect time for Cougar and Steve Austin to sneak their special guest into the second floor. No one even knew he was there, even though he had been there for three days before Bischoff shipped. The mystery guest never spoke, was escorted outside in a hooded sweatshirt, and only trained at night. But he too was ready.  
  
"Hey, Cougar, what are we gonna do when Bischoff gets here anyway? He knows the address." The younger wrestler, Urashima Keitaro, stood next to Cougar on the entrance ramp.  
  
"I won't be here."  
  
"But he'll be here in ten hours!"  
  
"I know, but I won't be here. You can tell Killa any messages from Bisch. He'll know where I am." With that, Cougar Draven left his own store, and walked into the early morning shadows. When he arrived at his destination, he knocked on the door.  
  
"Hi, Mutsumi. Sorry I'm late. Had to leave some kind of contact info."  
  
------  
  
The time was midnight in Japan. Eric Bischoff stepped off a plane with Scott Steiner at his heel. He knew there were people who knew who he was, but he could not let himself be stopped. He had to find Cougar. If only to tell him the truth: Eric Bischoff did not want him back, but he would do it for business. He knew he'd find Tha Killa, but he wouldn't stop there. Eric Bischoff would not leave Japan without Cougar Draven on his payroll.  
  
------  
  
Tha Killa and Gene were with Cougar at Mutsumi's apartment, jamming on their guitars. Cougar summed it up for all of them.  
  
"Too damned bad Hunter isn't here. We need a good drummer." Gene commented.  
  
"Yeah, Cougar, but what would he do here? He never wanted anything but the army." Tha Killa joined the fun.  
  
"Yeah, I know, but remember how Sky was when he left? She acted like she was sick of him, but that threw her. It threw us all. anyway, guys, I have to go intercept Bisch. See ya later."  
  
------  
  
Eric Bischoff stood face-to-throat with the 7-foot-tall Kane. He was inside Cougar Draven's store, hoping to find the elusive superstar. Kane wasn't budging.  
  
"I've told you three times now, Mr. Bischoff, Cougar isn't here, and only Tha Killa and Gene know where he is." Tha Killa entered the store, but kept quiet.  
  
"Yes, I know, Kane, I'm asking you to find one of those two and bring them here, so they can tell me where to find Cougar."  
  
Tha Killa spoke.  
  
"Bisch, Cougar is otherwise engaged. He's not available for a couple of days."  
  
"Well, get him anyway. We need to sign a contract."  
  
"He's not coming back full-time. Not now, at least. He told me that himself. He told Steph too."  
  
"He will, or I'll-"  
  
"You'll what, Bisch? You have no power, not since you stepped off that plane. In fact, the day you spoke Cougar's name, before I left for Japan, you committed yourself to the total and complete loss of power."  
  
"What are you talking about, and please refer to me as Mr. Bischoff."  
  
"Look, Bitchoff, don't think all these Japanese fans are here to see you. I was embarrassed to admit I'm from the same state as you, and not many people here like you. They didn't come to see you, they didn't come to see me, they didn't come to see Kane, or Maven, or Steph. They didn't even come to see Steve, and were Dwayne Johnson here, they wouldn't be coming to see him either. Even Mick Foley wouldn't get as big a reaction as we're going to get when he comes back."  
  
"When who comes back?"  
  
"Cougar Draven. You know, we have you to thank for that. We are only making the money on this tour that we are because you fired Cougar. If he hadn't Jackknifed you through that table, it's likely none of us would be wrestlers, and your WWE would not exist. So thank you for that, Bisch. As I said, Cougar is otherwise engaged. Ah, and Gene's presence proves to me that he is truly busy."  
  
"Yeah. I had to get the hell out of there before I was scarred for life."  
  
"Relax, I saw him at work when we were still in our 20s. He's calmed down somewhat, I'm sure."  
  
"Then why could I hear them down the street?"  
  
"Okay, so he isn't as calm as I thought he would be. Oh yes, Gene, you remember Eric Bitchoff, right?"  
  
"Of course I remember the man responsible for turning Cougar into a legend. Oh yes, Bisch, Cougar wanted to discuss contractual matters with you, but he didn't care to speak to you, so you'll be dealing with Killa."  
  
"I must speak to Cougar, now!"  
  
"No."  
  
"Dammit, Gene, where the hell is he?"  
  
"He's...uhh, what was the term we used to say...otherwise engaged."  
  
"Dammit, I don't need this from you!"  
  
"Well, you have a choice. Deal with us or don't. Up to you."  
  
------  
  
"So, Killa, what does Cougar want me to say?"  
  
"Here's the deal, Bisch. There are some set rules for this. This is as Cougar wrote it, so I have nothing to do with it.  
  
1.) Cougar Draven will only appear at the shows held within the country of Japan.  
  
2.) Kane and Maven will receive a match against your reigning tag champions.  
  
3.) Urashima Keitaro, Aoyama Motoko, Konno Mitsune, and Narusegawa Naru will each have matches on the tour.  
  
4.) Cougar Draven will face Eric Bischoff on the fifth show of the tour, to be held inside this very store, for ownership of Cougar's Undisputed Championship belt.  
  
5.) Eric Bischoff will place every stock he owns in World Wrestling Entertainment on the line in a match against a mystery wrestler.  
  
6.) This match will have the special rule that if Eric Bischoff gets disqualified or counted out, Eric Bischoff will lose the match, and his share of World Wrestling Entertainment. If the mystery wrestler gets himself disqualified, then the same rules apply, except for the 'share of WWE' clause.  
  
7.) Eric Bischoff, assuming he wins his World Wrestling Entertainment ownership match AND the World Wrestling Entertainment Undisputed Championship belt, will under no circumstances attempt to contact Cougar Draven again.  
  
8.) Assuming Eric Bischoff loses the belt match, but wins the World Wrestling Entertainment ownership match, the belt will remain in Japan with Cougar Draven, but Eric Bischoff will under no circumstances attempt to contact Cougar Draven again.  
  
9.) Assuming Eric Bischoff loses the World Wrestling Entertainment ownership match, regardless of the result of the belt match, the Championship belt will remain in Japan with Cougar Draven, and Eric Bischoff will return to the United States with no share or interest in World Wrestling Entertainment ever again.  
  
10.) Assuming the consequences of Clause #9 stated above, Eric Bischoff will under no circumstances be allowed to trade World Wrestling Entertainment stock, until his dying day.  
  
11.) And, Eric? If you don't sign this, you will never be respected again, I swear it with God as my witness.  
  
Signed, Cougar Draven.  
  
Well, there you go, Bisch. Cougar said that if you don't sign it, the tour is off, and you wasted countless dollars sending over 50 wrestlers across the Pacific Ocean."  
  
Eric Bischoff grumbled, then, reluctantly, signed the contract.  
  
"I hope you know that I can fire you, Killa."  
  
"Won't do you a bit of good, Bitchoff, I know who's laying down in that ownership match. I don't know who the mystery man is, because I moved into a hotel a day before he got here, but I know he's here. And I'm pretty sure he'll hire me back."  
  
------  
  
Cougar Draven opened his eyes and smiled. He noted to himself that he would probably have to ask Mutsumi how she got to be so incredibly athletic, after he saw a chiropractor. He kissed Mutsumi on the cheek, then got up and dressed. He had a long day ahead of him, as this was the first confrontation between Eric Bischoff and Cougar Draven in almost three years. He would be ready for it, but would Bischoff?  
  
------  
  
It was 7:00, and the fans were restless. They had been let in a few hours before, but they were still setting up the ring. All the fans thought Cougar was late, but it was in fact Steve Austin, who was dealing with the complete concealment of the mystery guest. Only Stephanie, Steve, and Gene knew other than Cougar, and they wanted to keep it that way. In the back, Maven, Kane, Keitaro and Naru were protecting Cougar from the press, although he knew at this point he could beat the shit out of the press and not get called on it. He was, in fact, a legend. He was waiting for Steve to get there so he could start the show. He had been set up against an opponent of Bischoff's choice, but Stephanie had approved it, so he guessed it was okay. He wanted to go out to the ring, but he couldn't yet. They knew he was there, but the fans who would be watching it when the show was broadcast as part one of five, instead of RAW, might not. He asked a crew member if he could speak to Gene. When he was told that Gene was with Stephanie, he asked when Stone Cold would arrive. He was told that Stone Cold was in the parking lot. Cougar sat back, confident that the show would start soon.  
  
"Cougar." Cougar looked up to see his mystery guest.  
  
"Ahh, so you couldn't wait for the final show, you just had to watch me tonight."  
  
"You know it. Steve is waiting."  
  
Cougar walked out to the main backstage area, only to see that Steve Austin had made his way out to the ring.  
  
"Welcome, all of our fans in Japan! And welcome to those of you watching at home on RAW! We have a special surprise for you, but first, we have some matches to get to. First off, we have a Cruiserweight Championship match!"  
  
Cougar rather thought it was a good match, but Mysterio defending his title against Maven didn't excite the crowd. They wanted Cougar. Of course, the Tag Team Championship match did raise tensions, especially when Bubba Dudley was pinned by Scott Steiner to lose the titles. In the back, Tha Killa met with him and Bill Goldberg.  
  
"So, Scott, Bill, hope you're enjoying those titles. Because later on in the show, there will be two tag matches, and the winners will meet you in a Triple Threat Tag Team Table Title Torture Match. Also known as a T7 match. Good luck, gentlemen."  
  
Cougar was surprised to hear this, but sat back to watch Steve Austin's match with Gene Draven. Steve picked up the win after a Stunner, but it was still a good match, and Cougar got himself ready to face Stephanie in front of the cameras.  
  
------  
  
BACKSTAGE WITH JONATHAN COACHMAN  
  
Coach: Stephanie, you said you had a discovery for us. What would that be?  
  
Steph: Well, Coach, I thought that since we did come here for a reason, that we didn't disappoint the fans. So-  
  
Cougar: So they found me.  
  
Coach: Cougar Draven, welcome to the WWE Japan Tour on behalf of Eric Bisch-  
  
Cougar: Forget it, Coach. Bisch knew I was here. If it weren't for me okaying it, you wouldn't be holding that mic right now. I have a match to prepare for.  
  
------  
  
Cougar walked around backstage, completely missing the next match, only hearing the bell after it was rung.  
  
------  
  
BACKSTAGE  
  
Randy Orton: Well, Kane, who's the Japanese guy?  
  
Matt Hardy: Yeah, Kane, I was wondering why you were hanging with the locals.  
  
Kane: This is Keitaro. He's facing you and Jeff tonight. Myself and Maven are facing you, Orton.  
  
Orton: Oh, you are. I'll have to beat you down then.  
  
Hardy: And I'll beat this punk down.  
  
Orton: We're Bischoff select, Kane. Not you. Not this guy. Certainly not Cougar.  
  
Kane: Orton, I don't care. Bischoff select is the mark of a weaker wrestler. I'll see you in the ring.  
  
------  
  
Cougar found his way to a monitor, and sat down to watch the next two matches. Stephanie told him that he would face off against his old pal, the Undertaker, fresh from returning from a muscle rehab session. Finally back in the American Badass gimmick, the Undertaker had a score to settle with the Enigma. Stephanie also said that Eric Bischoff wanted to welcome him in the ring, to which Cougar almost threw up. But here he was, and wrestling was his business.  
  
------  
  
Billy Gunn made the mistake of trying to pull Maven's tights early in the match, and so spent much of the rest of it unconscious on the floor outside the ring. Maven also left the ring, to spend his time beating Gunn senseless. This left Randy Orton with the considerable task of dealing with the rather angry Kane. About the time that Kane Tombstoned him for the third time, the referee called it a knockout, giving Kane and Maven the win. Afterwards, the two victors met up with the young Japanese wrestlers, Keitaro and Narusegawa. Kane was the first to speak.  
  
"Naru-chan, Keitaro-kun, good luck in your match. The Hardy Boyz are incredible wrestlers. Try to keep a solid technical game against them."  
  
"Thank you, Kane-san."  
  
"Oh, and if either one of them tries to cheat, we'll be watching, and we'll clear the ring for you."  
  
"Thank you again."  
  
And with that, Keitaro and Naru made their way to the ring. Jeff Hardy actually landed a Swanton Bomb on Keitaro, but he didn't see Narusegawa's killer right, which knocked him into the ropes long enough for Keitaro to get up and land the Death Valley Driver for the win. After the match, Matt and Jeff tried to pound the two into the mat, but Kane and Maven held their promise to save them. After the Hizardys were run off, then the four newfound friends made their way back.  
  
------  
  
Cougar knew the cameras were on. He also knew his match was next. He also saw Eric Bischoff in the ring. For some reason, he heard Bisch everywhere in the building when he spoke on the microphones.  
  
"Hello and welcome to all you fans in America. This is not airing live, but it will be aired in its entirety. Now, then, for the moment we've all been waiting for, Cougar Draven!"  
  
While Cougar knew that he would be introduced, he did not expect the theme they played. When "Ace of Spades" by Motorhead played, he was stunned enough for Tha Killa to prod him out to the stage. Cougar made his way down to the ring, where Eric Bischoff and the Undertaker were waiting. Eric Bischoff began to speak, but Cougar cut him off.  
  
"You shut the hell up. This is definitely the first time you've seen or heard me speak in two years. The same goes for you, Taker. I don't know, but somehow, I wonder how you became Bitchoff's poster boy. Way back when I was green, you were the man, damn it. It only took three years, Taker. But damn. Let me give you a little background on why I'm here, man. A little catching up with the guy who was my hero growing up. I started with WWE in 2001, as 667. I later joined a group known as the Dravens, and quickly became their leader. In March 2004, at WrestleMania XX, I was turned on by Hunter and Sky Draven in my match with Gene Draven against you and The Rock for the WWE Tag Team Championship. Myself and Gene split up, and I hooked up with an old friend, Tha Killa, and we went on to defeat Hunter and Sky Draven for the Tag Team Championship in August of that same year, at Summer Slam, and we held the titles until December. In September 2004, I won the Intercontinental Championship, and held it until Wrestlemania 21, regaining the Tag Team titles again in January 2005, losing those at WM21 as well. Two weeks before Backlash in April 2005, I won the WWE Television Championship, but lost it at Backlash. At Badd Blood 2005, in June, myself and Tha Killa became 3-time WWE Tag Team Champions, defeating Lance Storm and Goldust. Then, in July 2005, at Judgment Day, I defeated Scott Steiner to win the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. I lost it in October, to you, but won the Royal Rumble, then defeated you to win it back at WrestleMania 22, also retaining the Tag Team Championship. Me, Tha Killa, and other Superstars (and Al Snow) loyal to Vince McMahon were fired that same night, by the command of Eric Bischoff. I moved to Japan, hoping to live in anonymity. However, the insight of a young WWE fan named Keitaro Urashima sparked my love for the business, and I opened a wrestling training school, with Keitaro as my first student, in April 2006. Then, in October 2007, Tha Killa showed up in Japan, and relayed a story for me: Eric Bischoff wants me back. I trained for several months, then, in December 2007, WWE finally arrived. This is where our story begins, Taker. You may be willing to fight me again, you may not, but let's face it. You are not the WWE Champion. Triple H is. Hunter and I have also not spoken for quite some time, but I will challenge him to a match. No special shit, just a one-on-one match. Not even for the title. I just want to make it known that I am still the goddamn best there is."  
  
Cougar then jumped Undertaker, and the bell rang. Undertaker was caught off-guard for most of the match, and so lost quickly to a backslide from Draven. After the match, Taker and Cougar stared each other down, then Triple H's music hit. The champion entered the ring with a microphone, and spoke.  
  
"Well, well, Cougar. Looks like we have ourselves a little dilemma. Seems as though you never lost the WWE Championship. But yet, somehow, I still hold it. I've done the same as you. I beat Undertaker for it. But the one thing we never did was have a straight, no gimmick match between us. I don't have any issue with Eric Bischoff anymore, though it is clear you do. I've learned to accept him as my boss. The fact that Stephanie owns half the company is definitely a godsend, though. In any case, you challenged me to a straight up, one-on-one non-title match. You got it."  
  
Cougar and Triple H shook hands, then the two left separately. Back in the back, Cougar met up with his small group, and they all went back to Cougar's store for refreshments. Triple H showed up, and was invited into the back, where everyone sat. He hugged all the wrestlers, then settled down in his spot.  
  
"So, Cougar, damn glad to see you, boy. Also, I was wondering how come you spoke English to Bitchoff. I was under the impression that you didn't remember the language after two years."  
  
Cougar's eyes popped, and Triple H laughed.  
  
"Yes, I hate Eric Bischoff too. I just have to keep under his radar on TV. He'd fire me in an instant. Most of the boys hate him anyway. Goldberg and Steiner are really his only picks. Undertaker just wants to settle some shit with you."  
  
"Well, that's good to know. Well, Killa, Kane, and Maven have been drumming this damned language back in my head. Two months of hardcore training, and I can almost perfectly carry on a conversation. We're even teaching the young'uns here some English. When I come back fulltime, and yes, I just might, heh. When I come back, I want to bring them with me. I might wait to bring them in until after they finish college, though. And as for Bitchoff, he'll get his. I already made sure of that, in the contract deal. He knows some of what he got himself into, but not all. I have one secret plan left. And only myself and Stone Cold know what it is."  
  
"That's cool, Cougar. So how is life here? I've been here a couple of times, you know. You must have picked up some of the nicer strains of life."  
  
"Well, when I got here, I knew what I wanted to do. I followed Booker T and Rob Van Dam in my own respect, and I started a magazine shop. I sell all kinds of shit. I have a section for newspapers, I have a section for manga, and I have a section for sports and recreation. But I gave wrestling its own rack. I still hold true to my business. I even get an English-speaker in now and then. I'll probably get a lot of business from soldiers in the next day or so. I usually get some business after a big indy show. Maybe an All-Japan show locally, people will show up, I'll b.s. with the wrestlers, stuff like that. They even wanted me to be on a show there, but I didn't want to be that obviously revealed. I have too much going on here."  
  
"Like what, man? I know you told all of the rest of the guys, but since I just got here this morning, I haven't heard all the Draven tales. It's been a while since I've heard you spin a tale, especially with a fifth of Jack. Those were the days."  
  
"Indeed they were, Paul. Indeed they were. Well, let me start with my trip here. The first thing I did, before I even opened the boxes with the magazines in them, was take the title belt and place it neatly in its place in the case under the counter. I never worry that someone will take it, because if they show it to anyone here, at least now, they're fucked. As it is, of course, it stays there. So about a month later, I'm getting good business, and these three kids walk through the door. Ten years younger than me, trying their damnedest to get into college. One of them happens to be a huge wrestling mark, and as such recognizes me. Oh well, right? It turns out these kids live up at the big innhouse up on the hill, way up there. You've seen it, I'm sure. Well, I show them a match with good old Gene, and they invite me back to their place to meet the rest of them. I say sure, being that in a whole month, only one kid has even recognized me. I miss being sought out, I really do. Or did. So eventually, I make friends with them, and offer to train them. From there, you have my four first students. Also, another one of them is my girlfriend now. We've been dating about two years now. Basically, I turned my ring right here into a training school for kids. I don't charge, since I make enough money selling magazines. Not to mention I still have quite a bit to live off of from my WWE days. How's it been with all of you guys?"  
  
The others shared their stories, and before he left, Triple H said that if they would hold another Jack Daniels session the next day, he would bring some others to hear some stories from the Draven king of storytelling. Cougar laughed, then agreed. Eventually, they all went their separate ways, leaving Cougar and Keitaro. The two free agents went back to Hinata, where their girls were waiting for them. Cougar and Mutsumi stayed and chatted with Keitaro and Naru, and as they were leaving, Cougar spun and spoke to his prodigy.  
  
"Keitaro, there's something I forgot to say."  
  
"What, Cougar?"  
  
"John."  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"John Hetfield."  
  
"Who is that?"  
  
"It's me. It's my name. I forgot to tell you that. I always forget. I get too into my gimmick and I forget. Well, now you know. I'll see you later, man."  
  
And he left, with two young Japanese wrestlers with open mouths. He walked Mutsumi back to her apartment, promised to drop by later that night, and walked in the direction of his store. A couple of blocks away from his store, he stopped, and spoke.  
  
"How long have you been tailing me, Jim?"  
  
Tha Killa stepped out of some bushes that he had been hiding in.  
  
"Long enough to know that you finally figured out just who the fuck you are. I take it you finally remembered the end of the match?"  
  
"Yeah. He covered me. I remember my heart starting to pound right then. Mike Chioda's hand hit once. My vision fluttered. His hand hit twice. I realized I couldn't move my legs. Then you landed on him. Mike pulled you off him, and as he tried to remove you from the ring, I landed a low blow on Taker, and rolled him up. I grabbed his pants to hold him, too. Mike counted the three, raised my hand, and we went to the back, after Taker clocked me with the belt. It took me two years to remember a match that I forgot thirty seconds after it happened. But when I finally remembered it, I remembered myself. I am not Cougar Draven. I am John Hetfield. And you are not Tha Killa, you are Jim Browning. We've known each other for 16 years, over half our lives. We are the two best friends in the world. And we have a company to save."  
  
------  
  
A/N: FINALLY! DONE WITH THIS!!! Created October 16, finished May 14. Damn, that's over six months. I need to update this shit. All three previous chapters have also had small typing errors fixed. But now, it's done! And the story is about half finished. RR this one, too. 


End file.
